A writing from a while back..

Without an awareness of consequence whether it be instant or delayed there's no impact.result of our activities or thoughts. Does this suggest that it is the existence of eternity not framed by time that is the greatest and weightiest conscious of humanity? Yes to one extent and the second is the correlation that the present life choices and consequences have on the 'next'.. Therefore it would be now that would hold the 'nexts' content-substance/experience. Without this motivation and framework and impacting partnership it makes this time worthy solely of whatever I feel like..whatever will bring about the best/most content/peace/joy/fun. To people who don't have this existential view legalism would be a horrible and unnecessary structure as would anything that demands attention or priority over the individual (justice, well being, acceptance--access to the aforementioned) Religion for many is an awkward individual choice that has sadly given people the thought that they are to demand/assert their understanding on all others around. It is also a structure that people see as severely antiquated due to its 'demands' not obviously reflecting the 'needs' of humans as we know / believe it. 
To be religious needs to be aware of the breadth of understandings and desires and to live a life of activity to bring the reality of this dual existence most coherently to people and to assist people around in the process of this discovery.

Secret Garden

When I was younger I had a 'secret garden' fetish. Not that of the story books but the sort of Bruce Springsteen Secret Garden. I thought that it was hard to truly get to know someone intimately and I quietly adored this. Many years ago I was asked on numerous occasions to open up. To be more vulnerable. But that's harder than it might seem. People are funny creatures, ones that try to be close to another but not too close for just far enough is close enough for some. So what is it that we hold back? What do we fear so much that we can't let another in to that Secret Garden? It has been said that 'no man is an island..', I think that I disagree. No one understands, sees, experiences everything of another person and no one person can ever be completely transparent either. For it is these things that make us the individuals that we are. Is this the fear that we subconsciously have? The fear that the more people know the less unique we will be? If people know more of who we are, does that mean we are less us? Bruce sings this secret garden will find you searching for '... a million miles how far d'you get...?..that place where you can't remember and you can't forget..' Is this the story behind the loneliness we feel so often? A place that is the very core of us sees other people lost in its pursuit. I wonder how Secret your garden is.

Letting go...

So I just heard the phrase, '..letting go of who you were to become who you were meant to be...' - I think that I love it. In the past 9 months I've learnt so very much about who I was and who I want to be. The idea that the past can hold you down and tie you up frustrates me to no end, and yet not enough so far that I wouldn't let it happen to myself. Today a few blessings have come my way, and i'm choosing to count them. I'm choosing to step out and take note of them and allow them to dictate my tomorrow. This is not to say that we are to let situations determine our perspective on life, but rather that we are to allow the shine that blessings bring, add spark to a drawing already coloured in. So letting go... how do you practically do this? I think its a matter of one memory at a time, one reminder at a time and one hope at a time. Letting go brings with it a grief that nothing can counter, but the understanding that letting go also brings about 'letting live.' Something that you might want to think about... I know that I will be. xo

Ages I know..

SO its taken me ages I know to follow up on my potentially depressive last post - sorry to you. I want to let you in on this description I came across in a small book "Human Happiness" by Blaise Pascal. This writer is genius and I'm loving every sentence I read - its one of those brilliant pieces that takes that much longer to read than it looks because you need to read what you've read and read what you've then just read.... The quote, that's right...

"We never keep to the present. We recall the past; we anticipate the future as if we found it too slow in coming and were trying to hurry it up, or we recall the past as if to stay its too rapid flight. We are so unwise that we wander about in times that do not belong to us, and do not think of the only one that does; so vain that we dream of times that are not and blindly flee the only one that is. The fact is that the present usually hurts. We thrust it out of sight because it distresses us, and if we find it enjoyable, we are sorry to see it slip away. We try to give it the support of the future, and think how we are going to arrange things over which we have no control for a time we can never be sure of reaching.."

Oh how I, perhaps we, are like this. The frustration that is felt, and the honesty that is needed to combat this cycle requires sometimes greater bravery than I hold. When you catch yourself flying from recollection to wandering to distress perhaps hold a minute, take a breath and note that we have no control, we are not sure and we just do not know what may happen next. There is brilliance in this.

So I would like it to be 10 years time...

So I would like it to be 10 years time. I would like to know what it feels like to be past this moment now, to be away from what i'm experiencing and rather be settled in the comfort of 10 years passing. Would there be comfort or will it be the same, the same? Life being called a journey rather than a destination suggests the latter for my answer, however perhaps there is comfort in this very truth; that without a journey life would not so simply be.

"Do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Matthew 6:34

Does this little beauty suggest i'm failing with this desire to live forward, or does it suggest that i'm unwillingly submitting myself to further years of worry. Perhaps it speaks of contentment.. and yet all the contentment I can imagine is contentment in response to time or the entrapment of time. They say that only time will make this pass, only time will uncoil the depths of vulnerability and stupendous connection. Only time both holds the key to my freedom and is my captor at large.

What meaning..

In sorting through old papers I found this quote that i'm a fan of, well this man that i'm a fan of "Leo Tolstoy" particular his book "A Confession". The quote goes,
"What meaning has my life that the inevitability of death does not destroy".

Wow says I.

How does one ponder that without properly defining his/her entire outlook on life?

With a book that questions the most profound of life's questions Tolstoy was undoubtedly to come out with a few winners but with this one we throw in the mixture the notion of inevitability. Yes I realise his focus was not likely this notion, however for the sake of this moment, I say, let's reflect. Inevitability for many means claustrophobia and yet for others, freedom. I'm starting to think that rather than define a word by its meaning lets look at it for its consequence and the way in which it leaves the reader, the "live-er", feeling.

Here I am

Well here I am, the first of hopefully many a blog to come. Thoughts, photos, activities and quotes, love, despair and a little bit of meringue will be the content. Comments will be appreciated and dialogue encouraged, now here I go to begin.