Ages I know..

SO its taken me ages I know to follow up on my potentially depressive last post - sorry to you. I want to let you in on this description I came across in a small book "Human Happiness" by Blaise Pascal. This writer is genius and I'm loving every sentence I read - its one of those brilliant pieces that takes that much longer to read than it looks because you need to read what you've read and read what you've then just read.... The quote, that's right...

"We never keep to the present. We recall the past; we anticipate the future as if we found it too slow in coming and were trying to hurry it up, or we recall the past as if to stay its too rapid flight. We are so unwise that we wander about in times that do not belong to us, and do not think of the only one that does; so vain that we dream of times that are not and blindly flee the only one that is. The fact is that the present usually hurts. We thrust it out of sight because it distresses us, and if we find it enjoyable, we are sorry to see it slip away. We try to give it the support of the future, and think how we are going to arrange things over which we have no control for a time we can never be sure of reaching.."

Oh how I, perhaps we, are like this. The frustration that is felt, and the honesty that is needed to combat this cycle requires sometimes greater bravery than I hold. When you catch yourself flying from recollection to wandering to distress perhaps hold a minute, take a breath and note that we have no control, we are not sure and we just do not know what may happen next. There is brilliance in this.

So I would like it to be 10 years time...

So I would like it to be 10 years time. I would like to know what it feels like to be past this moment now, to be away from what i'm experiencing and rather be settled in the comfort of 10 years passing. Would there be comfort or will it be the same, the same? Life being called a journey rather than a destination suggests the latter for my answer, however perhaps there is comfort in this very truth; that without a journey life would not so simply be.

"Do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Matthew 6:34

Does this little beauty suggest i'm failing with this desire to live forward, or does it suggest that i'm unwillingly submitting myself to further years of worry. Perhaps it speaks of contentment.. and yet all the contentment I can imagine is contentment in response to time or the entrapment of time. They say that only time will make this pass, only time will uncoil the depths of vulnerability and stupendous connection. Only time both holds the key to my freedom and is my captor at large.

What meaning..

In sorting through old papers I found this quote that i'm a fan of, well this man that i'm a fan of "Leo Tolstoy" particular his book "A Confession". The quote goes,
"What meaning has my life that the inevitability of death does not destroy".

Wow says I.

How does one ponder that without properly defining his/her entire outlook on life?

With a book that questions the most profound of life's questions Tolstoy was undoubtedly to come out with a few winners but with this one we throw in the mixture the notion of inevitability. Yes I realise his focus was not likely this notion, however for the sake of this moment, I say, let's reflect. Inevitability for many means claustrophobia and yet for others, freedom. I'm starting to think that rather than define a word by its meaning lets look at it for its consequence and the way in which it leaves the reader, the "live-er", feeling.

Here I am

Well here I am, the first of hopefully many a blog to come. Thoughts, photos, activities and quotes, love, despair and a little bit of meringue will be the content. Comments will be appreciated and dialogue encouraged, now here I go to begin.